Loss

No matter if you know it’s going to happen and have been prepared for it.

No one likes to get the phone call to say that someone has passed on.

It’s a horrid, empty feeling.

A void that no one else can fill except that person.

Knowing you’ll never see that person, or go to that particular place again because they don’t live there anymore

Then there’s the legal side of things.

The emptying of the house so someone else – strangers can have that council house.

Will they look after the garden? Cut the hedges like we used to?

What’s going to happen with the last 80 years worth of belongings?

The old lawnmower and the tubs of nails and wood screws in the shed?

The aloe vera plants growing on the patio?

The tin that was always full of chocolates for when us grandchildren came round?

The 9 walking sticks (because he could never find one when he needed it)

Or the 7 pairs of glasses (“Are these mine? Or Nan’s?”)

2 weeks is not fair

Especially when there’s so much else to sort out.

It’s not long enough

But on the flip side.

There’s no pain for him now.

Just for the rest of us left behind.

Those of us once removed are stuck in a bit of Limbo.

There are husbands and wives, boyfriends, fiancé’s and Daughters

Wanting to reach out and take the pain away from those hurting the most.

Then those that are hurting-more than they have ever known,

Wanting to support, protect and look after the other three.

Typical Family. Chin up and carry on.

“Don’t worry about me.” they say

“What about so and so? Other people need looking after…I’ll be alright”

It’s only after the formalities have been dealt with and the funeral has been organised

When these people will allow themselves to stop and grieve properly.

Not just for the loss of one.

But for the loss of both

At this point, those of us, once removed can step up to the mark and pick up the pieces for all involved

and gently stick them back together. Or quietly sit and say nothing if it is what is needed.

Either way, that support is known and felt

Its only when you stop, do you allow your world to catch up with you

And realise the impact you, and your loved ones have on it

And it has on you

Helen Dennis 18/8/2012